Cafe Metro, I just hate you!

Here is a list of the RECENT offenses this useless establishment which unfortunately inhabits the storefront literally next door to my office has inflicted on me:

*I ask for an English muffin with butter and salt. They tell me it’s their policy to only give salt on the side, not in things.

* I do a create your own salad, and ask for cheddar cheese. No cheddar cheese they say. What?! How can they not have cheddar cheese? That’s like, the MOST basic salad item. But whatevs, I think, fine, I’ll get parmesan. I pay $8.12 for my salad. I return to the office and taste it, and in the first bite there’s an unidentifiable crunchy tasteless non food item object, and also, the dressing tastes like vomit. I take one more bite, then throw the whole thing out.

* I order an egg cheese tomato sandwich, for which they charge me $4.95!!! I get to my office and take a bite, and the roll is stale.

* I order a bagel and cream cheese. The transaction goes smoothly, I in fact leave smiling. I get to my office open it, take a bite… and it tastes like laundry detergent.

* I go in intending to order a cup of coffee, but the line is OUT THE DOOR because they’re so inefficient, so I walk straight back out again.

* I ask for a coffee with extra milk. I watch her pour in one microdroplet of milk. I say, “Excuse me, do you mind putting some more milk in? I actually said extra milk.” She adds one more microdroplet, and looks at me. “Um, some more, please. Like, more than you usually put in, not less.” She adds one more microdroplet and closes it up, hands it to me, and charges me an outrages $2 for a small coffee. I get to my office, take a sip, and it’s undrinkably gross. Just bad, bad coffee.

*I pay for something (I forget what, surely something that was overpriced and disgusting) and my total comes to something .05, and she gives me 95 cents back ALL IN NICKELS.

And I STILL GO BACK to this hell hole. Why? Because it’s right next door. As in I don’t even really need to wear a coat. But I think they’ve accrued enough offenses that I will from now on walk the half a block to Europa, which is better in every single way.